Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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