Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
