Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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