he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
