how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
