When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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