You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
