you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize