new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
