He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
