Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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