pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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