The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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