Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
