why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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