So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
