dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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