If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
