Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
