So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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