I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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