Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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