I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
