also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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