Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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