he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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