So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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