and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
