Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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