did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
