I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
