Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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