he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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