If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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