ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
