your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
