If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
