I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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