and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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