I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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