I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
