Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
