I heard we made out
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I only lived at night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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