i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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