If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
