Too much gin, very little bucket
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
