Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize