she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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