fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it hurts more in the daytime
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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