My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
