We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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