why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
