Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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