my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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