He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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