you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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