he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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