i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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