By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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