1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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