Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He shit in the fireplace
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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