why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
