I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
